Writing a eulogy can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re still processing the loss of someone close to you. It’s not just a speech; it’s a deeply personal tribute that celebrates a loved one’s life, shares their story, and helps others remember them with love and respect. If you’ve never written a eulogy before, you may be unsure where to start or what to include.
Here’s a simple, practical guide to help you write a heartfelt eulogy that you’ll feel proud to deliver.
Understanding the Purpose of a Eulogy
A eulogy is more than just a summary of someone’s life. It’s a chance to:
- Honour the person’s memory
- Share their story, values, and personality
- Offer comfort to those in mourning
- Celebrate the good times and acknowledge the loss
It can be light-hearted or serious, brief or in-depth, depending on the wishes of the family and the nature of the funeral. The most important thing is that it comes from the heart.
Step 1: Take Time to Reflect
Before you start writing, spend some time thinking about the person you’re honouring. What made them special? What are your strongest memories? What did they love, believe in, or enjoy doing?
Consider the following questions:
- How would you describe them in a few words?
- What were their passions or hobbies?
- What stories best reflect who they were?
- What lessons did they teach you or others?
Speaking to family members, friends, or even funeral directors can help you gather different perspectives and stories that you might want to include. Funeral directors often offer guidance and reassurance during this time, as they understand how meaningful a well-prepared eulogy can be. While they can help with the structure and setting, the words you choose are what truly bring the memory of your loved one to life.
Step 2: Decide on the Tone and Length
Eulogies are usually between 5 and 10 minutes long when spoken aloud. That translates to about 500 to 1,000 words.
The tone should suit the individual. For some, a formal, respectful speech is fitting. For others, something more casual and humorous might better reflect their personality. You don’t need to be overly poetic or use fancy language. Simple, honest words are often the most powerful.
Step 3: Structure the Eulogy
A good structure can help keep your thoughts clear and focused. Here’s a basic outline:
1. Introduction
Start by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship to the deceased. Thank those who are attending or watching the service.
2. Personal Story or Memory
Begin with a personal anecdote or memory that captures the person’s spirit. This draws people in and sets the tone.
3. Life Overview
Provide a short overview of their life – where they were born, key life events, family details, and achievements. You don’t have to list everything, just the highlights.
4. Character and Values
Talk about what made them who they were. Were they kind, generous, funny, determined? Share a few examples that illustrate these traits.
5. Impact on Others
Mention how they affected the lives of those around them. This could include their role in the family, friendships, work, or community involvement.
6. Conclusion and Farewell
Wrap up with a final thought, message of gratitude, or farewell. You might include a favourite quote, poem, or something they often said.
Step 4: Write from the Heart
Don’t worry about writing the perfect speech. Focus on being sincere. Use your own voice, as if you’re speaking to a friend. If you’re emotional while writing or reading it, that’s okay – it shows how much you cared.
Avoid over-editing or trying to make it sound too formal. Real, honest words connect better than polished ones.
Step 5: Practise Reading It Aloud
Once your draft is ready, read it out loud a few times. This helps with pacing, clarity, and confidence. Make notes or highlight key sections if needed. If you’re nervous about delivering it, remember you’re not expected to be a professional speaker – just someone who loved and respected the person you’re remembering.
If you’re especially anxious, ask a trusted friend or one of the funeral directors to be available in case you need help finishing the speech.
Extra Tips for First-Timers
- Keep it conversational: Speak as if you’re telling a story to friends.
- Bring a printed copy: Don’t rely on memory alone, especially during an emotional time.
- Pause and breathe: If you become emotional, take a moment. No one expects you to rush.
- Involve others: If you’re unsure what to include, ask family or close friends for input or stories.
When You Need Extra Support
Writing a eulogy while grieving can be difficult. It’s okay to ask for help. Many funeral directors in Australia are experienced in guiding families through this process and can review your draft or offer suggestions. Some services also provide professional writing help if you prefer to have your ideas crafted into a full speech.
Writing a eulogy is a meaningful act of love. It’s a chance to speak for someone who can no longer speak for themselves – to honour their life and let others remember them through your words. While it may feel challenging, it’s also a unique opportunity to reflect on the good, share the memories that matter, and celebrate the life of someone special.
Take your time, write from the heart, and remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect – it just needs to be genuine.
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